Beyond Reasons - A Short Story

The monsoon clouds had just calmed down after a heavy July downpour. And like other days, Chitra had woken up early. The fresh air and the mild earthly fragrance of the wet soil were mesmerizing.  The lush green leaves of the trees, slow dripping water droplets and the chirping of the birds at daybreak added a serene touch. 'What a beautiful start to the day!' , she thought. Just a few minutes back, her sleepy eyes had struggled to find the snooze button on the bedside clock.  Despite the urge to sleep more, she had managed to wake up. And there she was on her patio, with a book in her hands, watching the first rays of the sun coloring the morning sky. She felt at peace with herself.

Chitra loved the early mornings. It felt like a different place altogether, quiet and soothing, unlike the later part of the day which was noisy and busy. Her exams were a month away. She was determined to give it her best shot and score high. And the calm mornings gave her the much needed boost to execute that plan.

As she scanned through an algorithm, trying to figure out the logic, something at the corner of her eye caught her attention. She saw an old man walking on the road. 

A familiar white dothi. A familiar white kurtha. And a very familiar gait. She was dumbstruck. “Grandpa ?”, her heart whispered. 

Grandpa meant the world to Chitra. Chitra’s day would begin by accompanying Grandpa on his morning walks. She had hundreds of questions and Grandpa had answers to all of them. Listening to his extensive life experiences was a thrilling pastime. Her enthusiasm peaked when she described the day’s events to him, on returning from school. Grandpa used to watch her play with her friends every evening, while reading the newspaper. And he always had a secret stash of lemon peppermints for Chitra and her friends. Towards the end of the day, she fell asleep hearing him recite his prayers. Grandpa, really meant the world to Chitra.

“No, it can’t be Grandpa”, her mind fought back. 

“Is it my imagination?”, she pinched herself to check if she was day dreaming.  “Is he Grandpa ?”, she murmured.

She stood up and walked up to the railings to get a closer glimpse of the man walking by. She couldn't see his face, but his lean frame and gait had done the trick. All at once, she was eager to meet this man who had re-surged her lost emotions. She wondered, who could this man be, who was so similar to the person she adored. Before she could fathom what just happened, her thoughts broke. 

“Chitra”, her mom called out. She got up and went inside the house.  

The rest of the day went on with mundane tasks. But the events from that morning had brought a unique sense of contentment in her. She fell asleep, unaware of the smile on her face, as she slept through.

Next morning, the alarm went off as usual. And Chitra was once again searching for the snooze button. But the faint hope of seeing the man again made her get off the bed instead.

She went out on to her patio and started studying. But her eyes constantly searched the road for the slightest sight which might make her happy. Deep down in her heart, she was waiting for that old man to show up again. She hadn’t thought about what she would do, if he did show up. Would she follow him? Would she speak to him?  So many thoughts in her mind. She was getting restless. 

There was no sight of the man she saw yesterday. She started feeling it was her imagination. Or maybe she was hallucinating. But somewhere she was not convinced that her sight and senses had cheated her, and made her believe in something absurd.

“Why has he not come for a walk today ?”, she pondered. “Maybe he will turn up tomorrow. Maybe he might have woken up late. Maybe he took a new route today?”. Many questions ran through her mind. But there was no way she could figure this out any further. For she had, just a image of a man in her mind who walked across the road. And he reminded her of her grandpa. Apart from that, she had no other details.

Days passed by and exam fever had caught up more intensely. Chitra got busier and busier with the never ending list of topics which needed her immediate attention. She lost count of the days, and the probability of seeing the old man again was diminishing. But Chitra believed, she would see him someday.

It was the morning of her last exam. Accustomed to her habit, she was studying on her patio, breaking her head over a complex theorem. 

Just as she was trying to recall what she read, her eyes gazed across the road ahead. She couldn't believe her eyes. It was that same old man. That moment, she knew, it wasn't her imagination after all. He looked so much like her grandpa. He walked calmly at a steady pace, in stark contrast to frenzied thoughts running inside Chitra’s mind.

Without second thoughts, she ran outside her house, trying to catch up with the old man. He was about a hundred yards away from her. She ran until he could hear her. “Grandpa”, she shouted. 

But the man didn’t stop. She continued running further, until she was much closer to the man. “Grandpa”, she reached out again. This time he heard her, and turned around.

As he faced Chitra, it was the moment of silence. 

Chitra saw his face. 

It wasn’t her grandfather. 

The castle in the air that was built over the last few weeks, had shattered right in front of her eyes. She felt helpless, standing there in the middle of the road, desperately searching for familiarity. She was devastated. 

“Sorry. I thought you were my grandfather”, Chitra mumbled.

Her mind knew it from the very beginning. He couldn’t be her grandpa. Her grandpa had passed away a few years back. Chitra cherished the time she had spent with her grandpa. And those memories were very much alive. What she didn’t know was that, a fond heart could easily cross the boundaries of reasoning.

The old man smiled and affectionately touched her cheek. He didn’t say anything.  And he continued on his way. 

Monkey Mind ...

' Monkey mind ' is an attempt to capture a running monologue in a person's mind. Read on .

You trick me at times
Will you come for my rescue ?
You make me loose control 
And I emerge weak 
You are stubborn
And keep me wandering
Across random graying alleys
I give up, and you win.

For all I know
I am lost 
Lost far far away
From where I see myself growing 
Rising against odds of my mind you are creating
Seems just impossible. 

Oh, my dear mind!
Enough of this monkey business 
Can we have our symphony now ? 
I am nothing without you
Help me fill up this void 
Like you've always done so far.
Please don't abandon me now
I assure, I will thrive well in your company.
Come, walk along with me in harmony.

In a flash …

' In a flash ... '  is a short poem , which tries to put forth the awakening cognitions with one's own self, across a short journey through time, in a flash of a moment.

I pause …

I look back, beyond time 

I see, zillion reasons to smile and cheer

Still, for all the unspoken struggles

which made me weak

A tear rolls down, and I smile.

I learned it the hard way all through

And emerged stronger, even before I knew.

I pause … 

And I try to see, beyond time

How the days to come will be ?

I hope to see, zillion reasons to smile and cheer

But for the silent thoughts, 

The slow growing web, spun by all expectations unheard.

Will I fall a prey to it ? 

And get hurt, from no one else 

But myself … 

I pause …

And look around, 

The bright sun and the blue skies -

The chirping of the birds, 

And the gentle breeze persuading me 

To believe in the moment.

The 'Now' which is so much alive

And I feel energized.

I pause ...

I laugh out loud,

At my fears and anticipations

which suddenly disappeared 

In the moment called 'Now'

And I walk ahead,

with this new realization

For the joy of conquest

begins here, with myself.

Not a zephyr for sure ...

It was a lazy sunday afternoon. Pleasant weather, perfect for relaxing at home. Just like how I had planned. Around dusk, just before moon rise, the winds started making strange howling noises, like in classic horror movies. They were perhaps moving at 20 miles per hour, or maybe more. It felt like it might rain any moment. Or maybe even worse. More lightening thoughts flashed in, pointing out the possibilities of either tornadoes or hurricanes. Adding fuel to these thoughts, were the open windows that made high frequency rattling noises, making the scene more dramatic. The speeding winds with their harsh noises, had definitely made their sudden presence felt. Just a not-so-gentle reminder from them. Nothing serious happened later. We watched some TV and called it a day.

But the winds hadn't completed their task yet. The evening scenario had doubled in it's intensity and strength. Maybe it rained too. The winds were blowing harder and faster than ever. And the noises were louder this time. I was unable to sleep and was uneasy in my bed.  Even if  I didn't want to, I had no choice. All I could think of, was the resulting destructions these winds could cause. Totally baseless, but they were sure depriving me of a good night's sleep. It was only when my husband got up and closed the windows, that these disturbing sounds stopped. I fell asleep, in the midst of some quiet conversation with myself.

The wind blows everyday. We take them for granted. But it's presence is only felt when its either a zephyr or a strong gust, and not otherwise. Similarly, we put a lot of effort in our lives daily. But we may not be recognized. Maybe, we too are taken for granted. If being a zephyr works for you, well and good. Doing good work and being nice pays most of the times. But if that doesn't work out, be courageous to make that extra noise. Clear your mind. Voice your thoughts. Mark your presence so you won't be forgotten easily. Just like the winds, your presence will be felt. 

Pointers on my realization so far .. in bits n pieces....

We do so many things.. we meet so many people .. we learn and realize from our many many experiences ... But then, time and again we get busier with our mundane lives and end up falling in same pool of mistakes. I have tried to list some of my realizations so far, maybe I will add-on more of them in days to come .. Maybe this will work as a anti-rust on the , if not forgotten realizations...

• No point in worrying about tomorrow. It drains your energy and leaves you all the more miserable.

• You are only one your kind. Comparing yourself with someone is like digging your way into misery. Believe in yourself. Do not get carried away by others material success. You know best,what makes u happy !! Just keep doing it and move forward ..

• Pamper yourself. Be regular in going for jog/walk or aerobics classes which makes you happy. Spend some time with yourself, cos no one can judge you better than yourself...

• Sometimes keeping patience is better than worrying about results. Money is not everything in life..But do not be ignorant. Take control of things and you will see how things change around you ..

• Always take some time to work on your hobby..Indulge in music, paint, cook , get your hands dirty in the garden.. there are so many new things to explore .. Venture out and surprise yourself... :)

• Make time for your loved ones. You cannot to busy always. If not you will end up hurting them.

• Expectations hurt. Some people never change. Understand and accept it and life becomes easier after that..

• You cannot have your legs on two boats and still expect not to sink ...Be bold enough to take a decision .Maybe the decision you take might be harsh... you cannot please every body all the time.. Leave it , if someone doesn't understand .. maybe someday they will :)

• Enjoy and cherish small small moments .. never forget to smile your way through tough times, cos they dont last forever :)

Element of surprise ... as a emotion ... :)

Sometimes we have a fixed opinion on some people, how they think , how they behave , how they react and similar such thoughts ... Yes. I am somewhere proving to be judgemental . But then I feel we just cant stop, not being so. There's always a surprise element when they do something, which no doubt, made you happy but left a question in your mind -'Is this the person I have known ?' , followed by a smile on your face :) You feel good even though you are proved wrong somewhere .. Rather its a bonus to you cos you have discovered something new about your friend or person concerned that it makes things easier. Seriously, emotions are beautiful :)

Hope to find more surprises which leaves you happier with newer discoveries.

something to ponder on ...

Found it so true... :) :) Many a times we get occupied with so many things that we start being unreasonable and we over analyse. Read it , take a break and enjoy every moment that comes your way !! :)

Cheers,

Rani :)