Beyond Reasons - A Short Story

The monsoon clouds had just calmed down after a heavy July downpour. And like other days, Chitra had woken up early. The fresh air and the mild earthly fragrance of the wet soil were mesmerizing.  The lush green leaves of the trees, slow dripping water droplets and the chirping of the birds at daybreak added a serene touch. 'What a beautiful start to the day!' , she thought. Just a few minutes back, her sleepy eyes had struggled to find the snooze button on the bedside clock.  Despite the urge to sleep more, she had managed to wake up. And there she was on her patio, with a book in her hands, watching the first rays of the sun coloring the morning sky. She felt at peace with herself.

Chitra loved the early mornings. It felt like a different place altogether, quiet and soothing, unlike the later part of the day which was noisy and busy. Her exams were a month away. She was determined to give it her best shot and score high. And the calm mornings gave her the much needed boost to execute that plan.

As she scanned through an algorithm, trying to figure out the logic, something at the corner of her eye caught her attention. She saw an old man walking on the road. 

A familiar white dothi. A familiar white kurtha. And a very familiar gait. She was dumbstruck. “Grandpa ?”, her heart whispered. 

Grandpa meant the world to Chitra. Chitra’s day would begin by accompanying Grandpa on his morning walks. She had hundreds of questions and Grandpa had answers to all of them. Listening to his extensive life experiences was a thrilling pastime. Her enthusiasm peaked when she described the day’s events to him, on returning from school. Grandpa used to watch her play with her friends every evening, while reading the newspaper. And he always had a secret stash of lemon peppermints for Chitra and her friends. Towards the end of the day, she fell asleep hearing him recite his prayers. Grandpa, really meant the world to Chitra.

“No, it can’t be Grandpa”, her mind fought back. 

“Is it my imagination?”, she pinched herself to check if she was day dreaming.  “Is he Grandpa ?”, she murmured.

She stood up and walked up to the railings to get a closer glimpse of the man walking by. She couldn't see his face, but his lean frame and gait had done the trick. All at once, she was eager to meet this man who had re-surged her lost emotions. She wondered, who could this man be, who was so similar to the person she adored. Before she could fathom what just happened, her thoughts broke. 

“Chitra”, her mom called out. She got up and went inside the house.  

The rest of the day went on with mundane tasks. But the events from that morning had brought a unique sense of contentment in her. She fell asleep, unaware of the smile on her face, as she slept through.

Next morning, the alarm went off as usual. And Chitra was once again searching for the snooze button. But the faint hope of seeing the man again made her get off the bed instead.

She went out on to her patio and started studying. But her eyes constantly searched the road for the slightest sight which might make her happy. Deep down in her heart, she was waiting for that old man to show up again. She hadn’t thought about what she would do, if he did show up. Would she follow him? Would she speak to him?  So many thoughts in her mind. She was getting restless. 

There was no sight of the man she saw yesterday. She started feeling it was her imagination. Or maybe she was hallucinating. But somewhere she was not convinced that her sight and senses had cheated her, and made her believe in something absurd.

“Why has he not come for a walk today ?”, she pondered. “Maybe he will turn up tomorrow. Maybe he might have woken up late. Maybe he took a new route today?”. Many questions ran through her mind. But there was no way she could figure this out any further. For she had, just a image of a man in her mind who walked across the road. And he reminded her of her grandpa. Apart from that, she had no other details.

Days passed by and exam fever had caught up more intensely. Chitra got busier and busier with the never ending list of topics which needed her immediate attention. She lost count of the days, and the probability of seeing the old man again was diminishing. But Chitra believed, she would see him someday.

It was the morning of her last exam. Accustomed to her habit, she was studying on her patio, breaking her head over a complex theorem. 

Just as she was trying to recall what she read, her eyes gazed across the road ahead. She couldn't believe her eyes. It was that same old man. That moment, she knew, it wasn't her imagination after all. He looked so much like her grandpa. He walked calmly at a steady pace, in stark contrast to frenzied thoughts running inside Chitra’s mind.

Without second thoughts, she ran outside her house, trying to catch up with the old man. He was about a hundred yards away from her. She ran until he could hear her. “Grandpa”, she shouted. 

But the man didn’t stop. She continued running further, until she was much closer to the man. “Grandpa”, she reached out again. This time he heard her, and turned around.

As he faced Chitra, it was the moment of silence. 

Chitra saw his face. 

It wasn’t her grandfather. 

The castle in the air that was built over the last few weeks, had shattered right in front of her eyes. She felt helpless, standing there in the middle of the road, desperately searching for familiarity. She was devastated. 

“Sorry. I thought you were my grandfather”, Chitra mumbled.

Her mind knew it from the very beginning. He couldn’t be her grandpa. Her grandpa had passed away a few years back. Chitra cherished the time she had spent with her grandpa. And those memories were very much alive. What she didn’t know was that, a fond heart could easily cross the boundaries of reasoning.

The old man smiled and affectionately touched her cheek. He didn’t say anything.  And he continued on his way. 

Irony ...

I call it , "Irony of a geek developer's girlfriend "

Wish I was some piece of code -

you would have spent time with me more,

Analysed every bit of me,

Loved me more passionately

And made me complete.

But today I am jealous of the code you write -

Such an irony but true in reality .

PS : all characters are imaginary ... no resemblance to any person dead or alive :P

Wayward Lover

This poem is an attempt to put forth the cognitions of a wayward lover , who is juggling between love ,responsilities and expectations . Finding no solace admist so many things, the lover just prays to God for a resolute mind . Read more to understand it better from the eyes of the wayward lover.Pure work of fiction, no strings attached.

I lose my mind when I cant be in touch with you ..
Time and again I come up with ideas anew..
Still means to reach you are so very few
How do I make you understand my point of view ?

Not finding you around is making me go blind
I find no answers in my cluttered mind..
How will I know,if this is Love?
Give me more signs, Oh my Lord above -

I remember your words, Baby, dont give up on me -
Just musings about you,everything else I oversee -
I dont even know ,When was I last esprit?
Why you had to leave me and fly overseas ?

Is this Love ?
Show me some signs, to talk of-
How will I know, if this is love?
Make me realize, oh my Lord, whom I am proud of !

I dont understand the pain I feel-
I dont even know if this wound would ever heal ?
Why am I , even now, charmed by your sex appeal-
Why cant you just be by my side,and our lips seal-
Why this has to be a complex deal ?

Is this Love?
How will I know, if this is love ?
Just make me resolute ,oh my Lord !
I will thank you each day ,in accord !

memory lane

I call this poem which I wrote some days back as -'memory lane' . Here it goes....

I dont give you the right to hurt me
When I am no-one to you
Why should I be hurt by the things you do
For I know I have been insane
In love for you
Jump out of my memory lane
But you never understood
What you meant to me .

Life's been harsh on me
Same like the way you treated me
It was my fault for sure
For you were always obscure
Jump out of my memory lane
I can no longer bear the pain
But you never understood
How much you meant to me.

Sometimes I feel misunderstood
For I did all what I could
I am trying... but still feel the pain
Please jump out of my memory lane
Let my efforts not go in vain
Let me start living again
Because you never understood
How much your love mattered to me .

.......

I managed to write a poem three days back... I don know what was the motivation behind this or should I call it demotivation ... Maybe I can put it out as imaginary "me" .. not sure ... Anyways , I am happy I managed to write something after ages ...its still crude ... but still OK to start back my passion for writing ...

Here it goes ...

Someday when you have no missed calls to see -
no unread messages , waiting for you in your inbox ..
You realise - how much you miss me !!

If I was you , I would never ever
Kept you waiting for me ...
All my time would be yours ..
All my priorities would be you ...
Maybe thats why --
You never reliased -
how much I loved you..

And some today on a future day
You feel the pain
when things are not the same
between you n me....
A tear rolls down ..
and you realise ..
How much you are missing me today !!

Time and again ..
you had chance ..
To love me back .. .
but you were busy filling the sack ...
with all money and all wealth ..
in midst of all this I lost my health ...
time changed , so did I
the world crumpled down for me
lost me for ever ,you never even know how....
and you are realizing it only now .

~Rani :)

Random Musings- 'Through the looking glass!'

It was unlike other days. Me and my loneliness both strongly blended as a single entity.I felt as if I just got switched over from flight mode and my device just initialising itself searching signals.Too much working I have been doing and I badly needed a break.. Maybe a cup of coffee would make be better. I got up from my seat and found hardly four ppl in the entire odc,all working towards one common goal,applying thoughts to make the system come alive again,while rest of the world was celebrating the 61st year of independence.It was raining very heavily outside.I was feeling all the more lost;lost against nature, as if totally an outcast.Rain,sun,breeze,day,night nothing making an impact,strong enough to break the mechanical routine life! 'Is this wat I expected out of life ?',was the question in my mind.I had helped myself with a hot cup of coffee and with this cluttered mind I walked towards the big glass doors which opened way into our tower.Never I had seen this area, this damn empty and isolated. I realised it had stopped raining and the entire door was covered with vapour insulating it as if it was a rain coat !! I was feeling so small against that giant vapour covered door,still my mind at no rest. I placed my left hand on the door and I could feel the vapour clearing off due to the heat of my hand!! My eyes could see my very own five fingers perched against the door!

Switch!!

How could I forget that day?? I was all smiling and laughing and all contented in my own little ways.Never did I feel lonely. how did I get lost in time so fast ?? Though my hand tiny and little, it completely 'sync'ed against his sturdy powerful hand.It was the bus journey back from office.My hand against his and he was making fun of how small my hands were! . Whole day I would do all kinds of stupid,crazy things for I knew he would be there to listen to me no matter wat I say!!He would call me crazy but in real, he was total crazy and lazy himself :D

Its when I realised that I was LOST in thoughts again.My mind was mocking at me and telling - ' you get lost anywhere and everywhere !' :D Instantly I removed my hand off the door and my eyes clearly could see through the space created by poised fingers on the vapour covered glass door.

In lighteting speed the act of my cerebration channelized its way till the tear glands and I found tears rolling down my cheeks. I was thinking aloud looking at my watch- 'Wat have I done! I should stop him.Else it will be too late.' The coffee cup just dropped off from my hand and I was at once running towards the gate.I must get to the airport as soon a possible.'O God please help me!How will I reach there!' For all the good or for the bad I had done so far,for a moment,I thought luck was at my side. I could see the BIAL Volvo drifting away as I neared the gate .Faster than before I was shouting 'SsssTtttOooPppp'and running behind it like no tommorrow!

The driver did see some fast moving visualisation through his rear view mirror which caught his attention distracting him to slow down the engine and he stopped the bus when he realised someone wanted to badly get in!! I was all panting for breath,laughing with the joy of finally getting into the bus with a hope that I can still reach him and stop him from going,from going away from me. I was breathing heavly,dripping fully.'Airport !',was the only word that came out of my mouth.The driver as if was waiting for this command from his master, started speeding the engine, zooming the huge sturdy vehicle through the hosur road!!To my surprise the road was hardly filled with any traffic,just like the deserted ODC and sparsely filled bus! 'Am I dreaming or am I really in Blore??? ' was the instaneneous thought which came to my mind. I was constantly looking out of the window and processing as to how far from the airport I was.Each second was only adding to the tension of my mind.. I want him to remain in blore itself and not shift to pune.Why didnt I tell him before? Why did I not talk to him when he called me to tell he was leaving?Whom will I talk to and whose head will I eat? Who will tease me and pull my legs ?? I know I got busier with work and didnt make time for ppl who care for me. But that doesn mean I would be the same forever.He did wait for me for this long, anticipating that I will realise where I m heading towards. But I m one big Tube light! Never I figure out things before time!! I somehow had to be there to stop him from going,from going far from me !!

Thoughts pouring in and out of my mind,congesting me from relaxing and pumping out of me more adrinaline,creating traffic jam within me ,acting as a substitute for the sparse traffic outside. Will I make it on time or not was the question on fire!

Time and again the huge glass windows of the volvo was covered with vapour ,landing me again in total flashback state. Reflexly my left hand was again perched against the door which cleared the vapour from that part.At once I moved my hand off the glass! What my eyes saw made me jump to my feet.I was shouting- 'SsssTtttOooPpp' and this time the driver -'What happened now madam?' I could only repeat 'STOP'.The driver did the same.And I looked at door and then back at the driver.The driver understanding wat I was trying to tell, pushed the button and the door swung open. I jumped out of the bus and started running backwards .I could see him on his bike riding towards me.His friend was sitting behind him.I was standing there blocking his way. His bike was still 200 mtrs away from where I was standing... It was when I realised I was standing on the middle of the hanging bridge,the same flyover which made a Landmark in itself on the outer ring road. He saw me and stopped his bike.Both he and his friend got down from the bike and I ran to him and told- 'Please don go na' .His eyes were looking at me and he slowly removed off his helmet.I was waiting to hear what he would say and he opened his mouth and told-'BAKRA!' :D He was all laughing...I still was unable to understand wat was happening,for I only knew that I had managed to stop him from going. He then explained to me that he was not going to pune.And both of them were just going to check out the new airport at Devanahalli and there was no other reason behind it...

I was relieved to hear that from his mouth.Thank you god! I finally found wat I was about to loose! I had no words... Just an hug and it said it all .Thus was me,on the day when I found myself back and again !! :D

~ME

(The information contained herein is purely fictional and has no resemblance to any person/thing whatsoever! 'Me' and 'Him' are total personified characters who are the brainchilds of my imagination at work!)

Kshna, aa Kshna :-)

Hope you enjoyed reading my poem in kannada!

My castle in the sky :-)

From eternity,the moon,stars and the night sky have been beatifying the world with the essence of love and euphoria procreating a fantasy to be lived for.Such is the magic of the moon and stars which has given way to numerous great literatures of love , romance , imagination, inspiration and what not, which indeed are glorifying.I m just another commoner.How could I not fall under the spell of MOON???The following lines which are in kannada is the result of moon jinx over me.
Enjoy maadi!! :-)

Ride onto the other side ...??? Is it greener ...??? :P

I have always wondered how things would have been if they were something else rather than being what they are now!Grass always looks greener on the other side... is it?? Other side has taken different facets during my ride till now.It has been a person, sometimes GOD HIMself was the other side and at few other times 'other side' personified as passed over past or anticipated future :-)

4th june 2007 :-) My birthday....!!! First time ever I was having an exam on my birthday in the last 22 years. But happiest note which kept me going through that day was -

"Last exam ever!4 years of torture at the climax muuhaaaahahaaaaahaaa......" After the final countdown till zero, rest was day was just yet another day ,the usual eat,sleep type!!!

At the fall of day,triggered by my intense passion, in anticipation of excitement and fun, I kick started my darling 6060,my 110 cc honda activa on the bumpy roads.Had I ever imagined it would get greener than this,I never would have been thrilled of riding it till there.

Singing my heart out in the tunes of Bon Jovi "Its my life, now or never.... I m gonna live forever....",I was enjoying the breeze hitting my face.Suddenly the engine stopped roaring and came to a halt."Omigod!!Omigod!!" I had already reached way ahead! wat will I do? I glanced around to find a signpost '7th milestone!'.What was THAT?? Strange!!I wondered.

Even before I could register,I was in a new setup.WHERE AM I?It was then I realised,I was in the days coming ahead.It was the NOW for me, not anymore the anticipated future but the present itself.Where have I landed myself???Am I already working in Wipro? Just yesterday I gave my last paper. I looked around and found myself already in training sessions.New environment,new beggining and I didnt even realise that I started a new phase of life.Am I annemic?Am I suffering from memory loss??But it was the reality . Nothing changed.Many people came and spoke to me,totally new faces .How are they familiar to me?I was very very uncomforatble at the fastforward button pressed in my life.

The next moment I was giving a online test.All questions seemed alien to me.But I could hear the anouncements '90 is the cut-off!' I shouldn't have raced through previous six milestones in such a hurry.Why wouldn my activa break down at a milestone at times when I was hanging out ,having fun with new friends??Why exam again??Mera bad luck hi karab hai! :-(

Tears rolled down my eyes at my plight and I was staring into someone's deep eyes.In his eyes,I could see my mom,sis,bro searching me all over the house,also near our shop asking our shop staff whether they had seen me. My dad had already called Roshni's place and he was engaged in calling other relatives places enquiring my whereabouts.

"I want to go back.Please help me out!Please....", I cried. I could see his face so calm and his eyes were so radiant and his smile was all-answering.I wasnt a stranger to HIM.I could see my activa lying down on the ground."Help me out to find a gas station.I m out of fuel!",I yelled. I opened the tank to show him the empty tank but I was surprised to find the tank full.I kick started once again, but engine didnt roar. He only smiled ..but that smile was reassuring.

He started laughing and removed the fuel pipe.A big air bubble went flying by.My eyes travelled with it high and high until it disappered in the skies. I couldnt find him now around me.I wanted to search him,but something within me told me that I wanted to get back home soon.I kick started again and engine roared to life and without a second thought I drove back until I saw my house gate and rushed in.

Black out!!!!

When I opened my eyes ,I could see my mom,sis,dad,bro plus doctor uncle surrounding me.I could feel a heavy weight on my head.I was then told I had injured myself on the head , hitting myself against the iron shutter of the godown while I rushed into the gate.Mom asked me where I had been?I told I had been to the temple.That time it struck to me wat I had prayed and wat occurred to me unfolded."Thank you God!! You taught me an unforgetable lesson!", relieved I smiled.

Everything happens for GOOD. HE has a story for each one of us.If we try to jump forward or jump backward,it leaves us incomplete,we get lost into no-where.NOW is the only reality. Live upto it to the fullest. And as life's story unfolds, you will realise wat HIS magic wand did to you all the while!!!!